Burying a Cousin

Recently I traveled to New England where we interred the ashes of my dear cousin Bunny. It was a sentimental journey, for sure. She was buried in the family plot in Norton, Massachusetts. I spent the first twelve years of my life in Norton and this trip fueled so many memories probably because little seems to have changed in Norton–except the traffic. Lots of cars. It is now a bedroom community to Boston. I’m certain there are the dreaded “developments” somewhere but the town center is remarkably in tact.

In attendance were cousins of every age, ranging from nine weeks to 85 years. It was a gorgeous day. Bunny’s brother-in-law Ted gave the blessing. A religious man, he is well known in the family for his deep beliefs in Catholicism. Nevertheless, he paid a fitting homage to Bunny. After mentioning God at one point, he looked down at her gravesite and said, “if you believe in God.” His courtesy brought tears to my eyes and, I have no doubt, a chuckle from Bunny.

Norton, Mass on Bunny's Memorial Weekend. — Norton, Mass on Bunny’s Memorial Weekend.

We each placed a flower on the grave and paused to remember our dear cousin.

After the graveside service we retired to the Norton Country Club and had a wonderfully relaxed lunch. People spoke a few words. A guitarist played softly in the background. We ate, drank, toasted, and hugged. The only downside of the day was a washed out Powerpoint show of Bunny pictures, dozens of them, from every stage in her life. The room was too bright, the projector too dim. But never mind, it was easy enough to go forward and sit for a spell, watching the images go by on the laptop. It was there that I caught Bunny’s “baby” sister Carol, with her daughter Molly, sitting at the table, watching the cavalcade of Bunny’s life. But it wasn’t until I got home and looked at the picture that I realized what I caught. On the screen you can see Bunny and her sister Sally (who almost seems to be blowing a kiss at Carol) and faintly on the right side of the screen is Mary Helen. Three Gavin sisters, all smiling, all gone to the other side. Ghostly images looking back on their baby sister. How lucky we have been to know them all. ❧

April 22, 2016 4

Orchids!

Here in Florida spring has sprung and we are already having hints of summer weather. But nothing too bad as yet and everything is using this time to bloom and be happy. Mary’s friend Bob Milner maintains a beautiful orchid garden under the oak trees. Here are some spring blooms. If you wish a bigger and closer look just click on the image. ❧

April 2, 2016 0

Letting go….

Grieving is a process, individual and unique to all. It begins early in life. Some say the first grief is when we exit the womb into this world of gravity and constant stimuli. Throughout childhood we begin to learn the key elements of grieving… loss and the need to let go. This may begin with a pet goldfish or a beloved teddy bear that has been reduced, through love, to tatters. Eventually it extends to our human loved ones. For some that comes very early in life. I recall a friend in my childhood town of Norton, Massachusetts whose father died unexpectedly. I was about ten and I pondered what all of that meant to my friend Jackie.

I could only imagine but eventually my time came, as it comes to all of us. No matter when we lose our parents it is just plain hard. So my heart aches for my cousins Milo, John, and Phil who have lost their beloved mother, Bunny.

Now begins the painful process of letting go and yesterday we held a memorial service for her at Point of Rocks. It was very moving, warm and relaxed as she would want it to be. Each person took the time to remember Bunny and contribute a flower to Bunny’s bouquet. By the time we were finished the sun had set, the bouquet was complete, and there was much love in the spring night air. It would have been Bunny’s 96th birthday.

Bunny’s remains will be interred in the family plot in Norton, Massachusetts on April 17.

Additional photos from the March 26th event are below.❧

There were many wonderful photos of Bunny. — There were many wonderful photos of Bunny taped on the wall of her home at Point of Rocks.

DSCN2783 — Avery Dodge, Bunny’s long time neighbor, remembers her friend.

March 27, 2016 2

A Passing

Bunny and her great grandson Winston in 2014

Phyllis “Bunny” Gavin Robinson is gone. She died peacefully on February 29, 2016 in Sarasota, Florida. She was 95.

Bunny was born in 1920 and was my first cousin, once removed. She was nine years younger than my mother and they grew up together in Norton, Massachusetts. Indeed, for me, Bunny’s death is the severing of the last link to my mother and her generation.

Bunny was the first of four daughters born to Phil and Helen Gavin. The Gavin Girls — Bunny, Sally, Mary Helen and Carol — were a force of nature. The power of four sibling sisters should not be underestimated. I have known several of these groupings in my life and each has been fascinating to me. There is a closeness and yet a distancing between these sisters that is almost electric. They are fiercely competitive yet uniquely giving. They can fight like cats and dogs in one instance and then fall into a circle of intense communication that is almost telepathic.

Before her marriage she served in the Red Cross during World War II and was in the South Pacific when the war ended. My Uncle Bud, then serving in the Navy, actually visited her on one of the islands during the war, an amazing thing to me. All of Bunny’s life was amazing to me. As I was growing up, first in Norton and later in Sarasota, Florida, I would hear stories of my exotic cousin Bunny. Her marriage to Parker Robinson immersed her in the diplomatic corps and Parker was stationed in some fascinating locales in the 1950s and 60s — France, Spain, Chile. Bunny became the diplomat’s wife and she had wonderful interpersonal skills.

She lived long enough to see her first great-grandchildren and, as you can see from the picture, she loved meeting them. Look at that picture for a moment. What is passing between those two? Winston will not remember meeting Grandma Bunny but something passed in those moments that I hope stays with him, a joy of life and a respect for its wonders.

Five days before she died we had our last conversation. I was sitting at her bedside and she opened her eyes. “Alice!” she said. I said hello and gave her a kiss. The eyes closed and opened again a while later. “Such a good girl,” she said. The eyes closed again for a while and then opened. Looking directly at me she quietly and sweetly said, “Now, go away.”

My years as a hospice nurse gave me the insight to know what she was saying. She was letting go. Her world was diminishing and she was acknowledging that. I kissed her softly and said goodbye. Then I went away.

I would see her one more time but she was unresponsive, making the transition to the next world. She was very peaceful and that is how I will remember her. With the passage of time these awful weeks of her final illness will fade from memory and I will recall my wonderful, fascinating cousin Bunny in happier times. And I will recall her courage in the final days…the days that will come to us all…and hope that I can carry that courage to my final time.

RIP Bunny. ❧

March 3, 2016 3

#314 – Return to the earth that which it creates

My primary reason for journeying to Australia was to visit with my dear friends Craig Hosmer and Daryl Reinke. We met some forty years ago in Washington, DC. They have been the most constant and generous friends.

In 1994 they retired to Australia, Daryl’s birth place. For years they had dreamed of a bigger garden and, by gum, they got one! They purchased 40 acres of cleared land on the Sunshine Coast. It had been cow pasture for decades but it was previously rain forest and they set out to return the land to its original state. Their success has been spectacular. In the two pictures above you can see their land from my first trip in August 2001 and the same land fourteen years later.

Lots can happen in fourteen years, obviously. Things change. Friends and family pass away. New babies are born, so are new countries. But amidst all the swirl and chaos there is, as Paul Simon so eloquently put it, “the automatic earth.” Treat it tenderly and it is your friend for life…literally.

In 2001 we planted a tree in honor of Robert, my late husband, who had been gone for just three months. We planted it along the left edge of that pond you can see in the top photo. And just below you can see what a difference fourteen years can make.

Craig and Daryl in front of Robert's tree, November 2015. — Craig and Daryl in front of Robert’s tree, November 2015.

Planting Robert's tree on Sept. 4, 2001 — Planting Robert’s tree on Sept. 4, 2001

While in Australia I learned about the Butchulla people, an Aboriginal tribe that lives on Fraser Island. Their tribe has few laws but the first is, “Whatever is good for the land comes first.” Part of Robert’s ashes are in that magnificent tree and it is good. ❧

December 18, 2015 1

Image #313-Red-legged Pademelon

Tell someone you’ve been to Australia and you can expect to hear, “Wow! Did you see any kangaroos?” The answer is, “Yes!” But the ‘roos I saw were not what we think of here in the USA. On my first trip, in 2001, I did see one of those big ‘roos, hopping down the fairway on a golf course!

On this trip the sightings were less dramatic. We saw several Red-legged pademelon (Thylogale stigmatica) which Wikipedia describes a “a marsupial rainforest kangaroo.” They are quite shy and hang in the shadows which makes photographs difficult. This little guy is probably an adult which means she/he is about 2 1/2 feet tall when upright. Because their habitat is rainforest the range of the species has shrunk and Wikipedia says it is a vulnerable species. Australia has many preserves where these charming creatures can live but we humans, frankly, are crowding out everything. It would be too bad to lose a creature with such a lyrical name. ❧

December 15, 2015 1

Image #312 – Alice Down Under

That’s me in Australia and that thing above my head is a Stag Horn fern — a relatively small one. They grow like weeds Down Under. Same with Birds’ Nest Ferns. It is a magical place. This particular picture was taken on Fraser Island, just off the Sunshine Coast. It is the largest sand island in the world and is listed on the U.N. Heritage Sites which means, hopefully, it will remain as pristine and special as it is today for generations to enjoy.

Australia is quite keen on ecology and environment, as well they should be. They have been able to protect so much of their unique flora and fauna even with the massive amount of global travel and commerce. In one park we visited, another U.N. Heritage site, there are machines where you clean the bottom of your boots with a disinfectant and brush before hiking so as not to track in contaminants. Despite that effort there are invasive species of plants and fungi. Still, you must do what you can do.

Today I am back in the States, finally emerging from jet lag and trying to “get back into it.” That won’t be easy, especially as I begin the sorting of my 2,000 pictures. Stay tuned…plenty of Aussie pictures coming soon. ❧

December 14, 2015 0

Australia!

Hello gentle readers. It has been several weeks since I have posted to this blog but Alice’s Wanderland is truly living up to its name this week.

Greetings from Australia! I am mid-way through a three week holiday with a bit of business at the very end. It has been a wonderful time.

Australia is fun. It is at once very familiar and, at the same time, very different. Coffee is a good example, as you can see in the above picture. It is a simple cup of coffee with cream (milk) but Down Under they call it a Flat White and the very best of them have wonderful designs created from the milk. This particular cup was enjoyed at a cafe called Emelia’s in Gympie, which had wonderful food, coffee and pastries.

I forget how much “foreign” travel can do for the soul. It pushes to the rear all the day-to-day stuff that consumes our lives and forces a re-awakening, a re-visiting of attitudes and customs, a great kick on the door marked “Learn” to throw it open as wide as possible. Everyone travels these days. Age doesn’t matter…from 8 days to 80 years and everything in between. All colors, languages, dress…and all with a slightly wary eye on our fellow travelers because it is, dear friends, a dangerous time too. But at the end of 8,000 miles you can emerge in a land where people make hearts on your coffee. And I am certain in every land there are these gestures of acceptance and welcoming. Humans, most assuredly too numerous for their own good, nevertheless have great hearts and show them in a hundred different ways. Keep looking. ❧